Rainy season is always something I want to tell about Saigon that always brings up the nostalgic feeling. All the wet roads, the flood, the thunder sounds, the fast pour, the hot “Pho” smell & smoke from the street food stalls, just in a few seconds, could retrieve all the best & saddest memories.
At that corner, there’s someone used to fly back ten thousands miles to keep the umbrella for me under the rain. On the rooftop of a restaurant, there’s someone told me I was the prettiest. I did not expect all would last till the end, however, it was not easy to put all those things down when I needed to let them go.
Until I realized during the rain, I did enjoy either all the moments we have been through or all the tastes it left. At the end the rain will stop, the rainbow even comes out sometimes. Not only the rain from the sky, it is also the one within my heart & soul. And I start feeling grateful for the past rain & the upcoming vivid colors on the sky arising together with my “grown soul”.
I was always reaching out for the higher cloud or a spark in the galaxy… I was always thinking that difficulties make it worthy. Those things are stuck in my subconscious mind based on what I run through to achieve in the past. I have been taught “give to gain”. However, life is not always like that, uptight stuffs are not always essential. Maybe you can gain by giving out, but only right things to right people. The pressure does not only come from the giver, but also the taker. All the explicit lessons have been pointed out straightaway when I was looking for the answer on this knot by all beloved companions that I’m lucky to have.
Tonight, a Sunday night, after a heavy rain, I was making myself a good coffee with the twinkling lights by the window on, I was randomly opening a page in my favorite poems, it was written:
“I do not want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me
I want to be full on my own
I want to be so complete
I could light a whole city
I want to have you
cause the two of us combined
could set it on fire”
That part of the book, coincidently is the part I have been practicing those days. I have begun focusing on myself, getting my own higher cloud platform by my own speed & breath. I have been practicing to notice my own emotion, in order to filter & embrace the weaknesses, and slowly fill them up with good vibes. The busy schedule, the pressure at work, the social standards have been set aside for me to observe my own insecurity, expectation & ego. The struggles come along with the practice. But persistence is always the key for winning.
Let me love myself completely, along with a shimmering light I might already meet or am gonna bump into one day. Thanks for sending me a beautiful message tonight. Please the Universe, show me a way for both of us combined to light up our life, independently & together… I’m here listening and ready to shine…