It’s not easy

The idea came from a typical Friday when I walked out of the office at 7:30 pm with a tired face & empty mind, then I went to dinner with a friend, argued with him about viewpoint of life and ended up with a weary mind again.

That night I could confirm that my crush has been officially in love with a girl, realized that one of my best friend and I couldn’t share the value in life again at the moment he and I went to a coffee shop then I used most of time for surfing net because we didn’t have anything to tell to the others. And I felt as if I did not belong to this world.

Furthermore, that was also the night I read these hurting lines:”We want the hand holding without the eye contact, the teasing without the serious conversations. We want the pretty promise without the actual commitment, the anniversaries to celebrate without the 365 days of work that leads up to them. We want the happily ever after, but we don’t want to put the effort in the here and now. We want the deep connection, while keeping things shallow. We long for that world series kind of love, without being willing to go to bat.”

Time flies, people change and I have no choice but to accept that I could not control. Momentum also said that morning “When you’re going through hell, keep going.” which means I do have the choice yet to how I will react to the situation: acceptance without comment or action or acceptance with comment and action. I am not sure if I could get to heaven or not but at least I know  something that have made me stronger or something that truly improved myself. On the other hand, it has been a long time after breaking up with the love that I used to be deep in and I am now still single with all of confuse and fear of betrayal. Hardly do I image that I could have a Summer deeply in love, and be together with a guy blissfully again. I keep telling myself to be brave and open my mind. But I even did not take a step…

What should I do when I feel insecure like this?

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